This morning, I'm beat. I feel like I've been stepped on, ground into the dirt, then uncovered by some well-meaning Good Samaritan.
Buddy didn't sleep well, and it felt like he had a fever in the wee hours this morning. Sweet Pea didn't sleep well either. Both of them suddenly caught colds yesterday. One minute, they were both fine, the next minute, they were both sneezing, coughing, and wiping their drippy noses with the backs of their hands.
Since Buddy felt so warm, I thought I would stay home today. I couldn't take him to the sitter's if he had a fever.
The alarm went off at the usual time, and I stayed in my half-asleep/half-awake state as I usually do until Hubby returns from his shower. Except today, Hubby said he was going to stay home because he wasn't feeling well. I fell completely asleep again, and woke up later than usual to the sound of Buddy fussing again.
I discovered Buddy's temperature was only 99, and he was still acting all happy and smiley and ate his breakfast without any problem. So, I decided I would be going to work and he would be going to the sitter's (with instructions that she would call me if he (or Sweet Pea) got worse during the day). Now, however, I was running late, my lunch wasn't made, I was still in my pajamas and the girls weren't even awake yet.
Somehow, we all got ready to go, and thankfully I checked myself in the mirror before walking out the door -- I'd forgotten to put my makeup on -- something I *never* forget to do during the work week. I finally got them all in the car, with all their "daily belongings", dragged all the garbage to the curb for Hubby, and we were on our way.
After dropping the littlers at the sitter's, and as I was taking Punkin to school, I realized how tense I was, thought about how I'd been a crab all morning (and most of the past weekend, as well) and nearly burst into tears.
I don't want to be this crabby person. I don't want to be this tired person. I don't want my family to just remember me taking naps all the time. (I tried really hard not to take a nap this weekend, and to "be there" for my family, and I don't feel like I succeeded at all.)
I looked at Punkin and she just stared straight ahead in the car. I apologized to her and told her I would try to be a better Mom. What she said next broke my heart. "That's ok, Mom. I'll bet you wish you could stay home and get some more sleep today." She continued with, "I wish there were no such things as being crabby or tired or being sick or anything like that."
I wish I had time to get everything done around the house, play with the kids, work on developing my "web skills", and still have time to enjoy my family more.
I wish I could work outside of the house part-time with full-time pay, of course because it would be great to be able to work part-time and still, you know, EAT sometimes.
I wish I felt like I was a better person.
There are days when I feel like I am barely holding it together. Today is one of those days.
Thank goodness it's Monday... the rest of the week can only get better from here, right?