Tonight, I had a hard time being a Mom.
I love my kids to pieces, I really do. There are times, however, when the last thing I want to do is be a Mom.
The two littles have been testing my patience a lot recently, and tonight I cracked. I didn't want to be home with the kids (Hubby was out for a couple of hours on an errand.) I feel like all I do is try to correct their behavior. I also feel like all they do is ignore me completely. I said "ONE" tonight in an attempt to let them know there would be consequences very soon if they continued with whatever it was they were doing that I wanted them to stop doing, and Buddy piped up "TWO!" Talk about taking the wind out of your sails...
A little while later, Buddy was attempting to wiggle into the space I was occupying as I worked on my computer for a minute or two. I kept saying "No, Buddy" -- then he bit me. While he was in time out, Sweet Pea went off to play somewhere else, and I sat down at the kitchen table to continue what I was working on -- and cried.
A minute or so later, Punkin came into the kitchen. "Mom? Can I help with anything?", then, "Why are you crying?" I told her I just didn't feel very well. She asked a few more questions, and I finally admitted I didn't feel like a very good person just now.
That kid... do you know what she did? She did her best to comfort me. "Mom, you ARE a good person..." and "I wouldn't trade you for anything..." and "I love you SO much, Mom..."
I never wanted to do that to my kids -- have them console me like that.
At the same time, I'm so very grateful that she did. Gah, I hate feeling ineffective and weak.
Later on this evening, Sweet Pea came to me with those big brown eyes and asked me to tuck her in "just one more time, Mom..."
I really can't imagine my life without those little clowns...