6.13.2006

The Tables Have Turned

Tonight, I had a hard time being a Mom.

I love my kids to pieces, I really do. There are times, however, when the last thing I want to do is be a Mom.

The two littles have been testing my patience a lot recently, and tonight I cracked. I didn't want to be home with the kids (Hubby was out for a couple of hours on an errand.) I feel like all I do is try to correct their behavior. I also feel like all they do is ignore me completely. I said "ONE" tonight in an attempt to let them know there would be consequences very soon if they continued with whatever it was they were doing that I wanted them to stop doing, and Buddy piped up "TWO!" Talk about taking the wind out of your sails...

A little while later, Buddy was attempting to wiggle into the space I was occupying as I worked on my computer for a minute or two. I kept saying "No, Buddy" -- then he bit me. While he was in time out, Sweet Pea went off to play somewhere else, and I sat down at the kitchen table to continue what I was working on -- and cried.

A minute or so later, Punkin came into the kitchen. "Mom? Can I help with anything?", then, "Why are you crying?" I told her I just didn't feel very well. She asked a few more questions, and I finally admitted I didn't feel like a very good person just now.

That kid... do you know what she did? She did her best to comfort me. "Mom, you ARE a good person..." and "I wouldn't trade you for anything..." and "I love you SO much, Mom..."

I never wanted to do that to my kids -- have them console me like that.

At the same time, I'm so very grateful that she did. Gah, I hate feeling ineffective and weak.

Later on this evening, Sweet Pea came to me with those big brown eyes and asked me to tuck her in "just one more time, Mom..."

I really can't imagine my life without those little clowns...

11 comments:

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

If more parents showed their emotions to their children, we'd all be better off for it. Having these moments is part of who we are, share them and you'll only let your kiddos know that ...hey...you're human. How can that be bad?

LadyBug said...

Oh, honey. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've been feeling that a lot lately, myself. I wouldn't trade my kiddos for anything in the world, but golly, what I wouldn't give for a little "time off."

Love and hugs to you, dearie.

Effie said...

Wish I could take all your kiddos for a few days--to give you your much deserved break...

Hugs to you Hon!

Nilbo said...

What a lovely, honest piece this is. And kids, huh? Just when you think they're monsters, they do something that totally disarms you.

Repressed White Girl said...

Your emotions allow your children to learn and accept the different emotions. It's a good lesson for them to see every now and then.

Doug said...

Your Punkin' shows what the other littles will be a year or two down the line. She is a lady for sure.

I remember when we had four around, little ones. On Saturday if I wasn't working, Heather would be off to town and I would tend the kids and do what washing a man is allowed to do -- no feminine dainties and such. But there were always loads and loads of sheets, pillowcases, towels, washrags and clothes the kids wore as well as my work clothes. Back then we hung our clothes on the line outdoors to dry.

She would come home happy and laid back -- and I would just be laid out.

She earned it.

hellokittn said...

Everything I know about childcare I learned from my old dog Tuffy.

All noise and dry humping are easily remedied by copious amounts of peanut butter.

;).

Much love and hugs to you Kelli :-*

eclectic said...

Anyone who's invested energy into parenting knows exactly what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, and it's normal, and you're lovely! You really are, Kelli. It is unrealistic to think that loving someone will automatically eliminate the frustration of being in a relationship with them, and that's especially true when the relationship is one of a care giver to the cared-for. OF COURSE you're going to have times when the responsibility of truly parenting another human (or three) is just too much and you don't want to go on. Guess what? Someday your kids will feel like that too, and they will have learned by your love and example that it's okay, and it doesn't mean the relationship is damaged. The feeling just is what it is, and you deal with it and move forward. I think it's pretty cool that you love them enough to ground them in reality -- GENTLY, like this. And I say yay for Punkin who sensed what you needed and was able to give back to you. Proof right there that whatever you're doing is working.

Circus Kelli said...

Mr. B -- Thanks for the reminder. I tend to forget that.

LadyBug -- Thanks, doll.

Effie -- You're so sweet. Thank you.

Nilbo -- Thank you.

RWG -- Thank you.

Doug -- You're a good man. :)

Kitten -- Yeah, but peanut butter makes a huge mess...

Eclectic -- Wow. Thank you.

August95 said...

Hugs Kelli. So Honest and great. Hugs Hugs Hugs.

lawbrat said...

I've been catching up with you here- I just had to tell you something.

Every so often I have an appointment with Brennen's therapist; to see how things are going. He asked how I was. I totally broke down. I told him how the last few weeks have been so bad, and how I feel like the boys are taking care of me more than I am of them.

Know what he said? (of course you dont, you're not a monk ;-) )

He said thats OK. Told me how thats how kids learn to be compasionate, care for others, give of themselves. He said if they dont learn that at home, where are they going to learn it?

You're doing a good job, and its OK for your child to console you.

Love,
Dawn

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