Sweet Pea: "What's a scar?"

Me: A scar is where you were hurt once, had a boo-boo, and the boo-boo got better and left a mark. Like this one on my tummy from when Buddy was born. (Buddy's incision was done in a "North-South" direction due to possible complications with the pregnancy and delivery)

Sweet Pea: "How did the doctors get Buddy out of your tummy?"

Me: Well, they cut me and went in and took him out.

Sweet Pea: "Mommy! You had three babies in your tummy!"

Me: Yes, but not at the same time. You all took turns.

- - - - - - - - - - -

I've remembered something this week.

I remembered that I'm human. Very human.

Sometimes I'm strong, or kind, or compassionate. I was none of that this week, and I know I was not easy to live with. Not easy for my husband and not easy for my kids. By Thursday, I called my doctor and asked her what we could do to quickly exorcise the raving lunatic that had moved into my body.

I don't remember thinking much about depression before the kids were born. In the years since though, I've thought about it a lot, and dealt with it, too.

Having children changed my life in ways I never even thought about. I look at the lives of my sisters, both so very different from mine -- One tours with bands and performers, the other travels all around the world -- and there are times that I think "Wow, if only I could..." Here's the thing, though -- no matter how I sometimes strain against the chains of "responsibility" and rant about how I never get a moment's peace, I would be lost without the family Hubby and I created.

And usually, when I'm straining and ranting and raving the person, place or thing I really really really want to get away from the most is myself.


BJ said...

Now now now...yourself is the best person you know, Beaner. You don't want to lose that person.

Have a breath, have a break, and have some fun with you!

You're my Mom Hero, Beaner!

Nilbo said...

(blink) Beaner ...? Oooookaaaay. We'll get back to THAT sometime ...

In the meantime ... sorry your week was rough, but glad you had the wherewithal to recognize there was a problem and take steps to correct it. So many people don't ... and the results are generally a steadily worsening situation. Bud ... nipped. Good on ya.

I'm glad you positively identified yourself as human. Given all you do - wife, mom to lil ones, working outside the home ... some of us were wondering if you were something more than human ...

LadyBug said...

I love you, CK.

Hugs to you and your Circus Family.

Doug said...

Jeepers Sis, You are doing the right thing to check and see what treatment is needed.
Anyone who thinks motherhood is a total, hands down blast, all fun life, has another think coming.

I am proud of you Sis, and love you muchly.

Circus Kelli said...

BJ - Love you, Beej!

Nilbo - Hee - Beej is a friend of mine from a message board. She's the only one who calls me "Beaner".

I have my "SuperKel" moments, but none of them happened this past week.

Thanks for the encouragement, Nilbo. I appreciate it.

LadyBug - Thanks. Love you, too.

Doug - Love you muchly, too Brudder Doug. :)

thephoenixanddragon said...

i so enjoy reading about your family. I am a late bloomer in that area. I have traveled the world gone back to school and pretty much played most of my life. now I am ready to focus my sights on a family. A good friend that wants to be a father and I are planning on having a child. I cant wait. it makes it that much more exciting to read about your little ones. Sorry you had a rough week

eclectic said...

I don't talk about it much, but you've articulated what I've thought more than once. I wouldn't trade my life for any other I can imagine, but at times it's still more than I can manage. Thanks for opening this up -- I hope you're back to yourself soon. You're beautiful you know, and that's inside as much as outside.

Effie said...

I love this post--so wonderful! I'm glad you are who you are--I wouldn't have met you otherwise!

Susie said...

You are so human -- in the best possible ways. Humans are God's greatest creation. And you reppazint well, CK.
Let me know what the doc does for you, if you please. I'm still on my Little Richard kick: HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Like you, I have found again and again, when I'm at my "least happy" place, it's really myself with whom I'm having trouble. Of course, sometimes I have to trample over everyone and everything else to get to that reality :(
And lastly, I must concur, Big yellow walking chickens DO look different than that. Real ones.

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