In November, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital because she couldn't breathe.
After several tests, it was determined that she had pneumonia, congestive heart failure, a mass in her colon, and kidney failure. Years of diabetes had rendered her legally blind, and arthritis had put an end to her painting at least a decade ago.
The last month has been full of ups and downs. She was put on Hospice care at one point, then rallied back, and was taken off of Hospice care. She recently got a permanent in her hair, and was feeling pretty sassy.
Sunday afternoon I received a call saying she had taken a turn for the worse. As I left the house, Punkin asked "Are you worried for Nonnie, Mom? Because she's sick...?" "No," I told her. "I'm not worried about Nonnie. I know what will happen, and it's ok." She understood what I was implying.
I arrived around 4pm, and saw Nonnie was sleeping. Her eyes opened a moment later, and I stepped forward. Her hair was all curly from the fresh permanent, she had her sparkly earrings on, and was wearing her pretty pink nightgown. Nonnie and I talked for a minute or two, then she told me she was tired. When I asked if she wanted me to leave, she said yes, she wanted to rest. I told her I loved her and left to visit my grandfather.
In the month since Nonnie was admitted to the hospital, Papa has also been put into a nursing home, the same one where Nonnie was. Papa suffers from dementia, although he is lucid some of the time. I visited with him for a bit yesterday after visiting Nonnie.
The conversation was a bit of a loop with Papa asking the same few questions a couple of times. It was difficult, and I wanted to stay there. I wanted to say so much to him, but I knew if I brought up stuff from the past, I would start crying, and I didn't want to do that. I just sat and held his hand. He seems broken, lost, and alone.
A little while later, at his request, I left him alone in his room, waiting on the staff to come and get him for dinner. I was going to stay with him, but he told me to go.
I went about the rest of my day, stopping at the grocery store, making dinner, getting the kids in bed, and eventually getting myself in bed -- always keeping the two of them in the back of my mind.
Around 2:15am Monday morning, my sister called to tell me Nonnie had passed away peacefully in her sleep.
Now the difficult time comes. Telling my grandfather his wife of 67 plus years is gone. Watching as he realizes this third of a room is now his home for the rest of his days. I'm ashamed to say I am relieved that I do not have to do be the one to tell him.
Nonnie is fine now. I don't worry about her. I'm glad for her, and will miss her. Roses, Roses and the color pink were always synonymous with her.
If you are so inclined, please pray for my grandfather. My heart hurts for him, and I worry about how he will fair now.