12.11.2006

Her Signature Color

In November, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital because she couldn't breathe.

After several tests, it was determined that she had pneumonia, congestive heart failure, a mass in her colon, and kidney failure. Years of diabetes had rendered her legally blind, and arthritis had put an end to her painting at least a decade ago.

The last month has been full of ups and downs. She was put on Hospice care at one point, then rallied back, and was taken off of Hospice care. She recently got a permanent in her hair, and was feeling pretty sassy.

Sunday afternoon I received a call saying she had taken a turn for the worse. As I left the house, Punkin asked "Are you worried for Nonnie, Mom? Because she's sick...?" "No," I told her. "I'm not worried about Nonnie. I know what will happen, and it's ok." She understood what I was implying.

I arrived around 4pm, and saw Nonnie was sleeping. Her eyes opened a moment later, and I stepped forward. Her hair was all curly from the fresh permanent, she had her sparkly earrings on, and was wearing her pretty pink nightgown. Nonnie and I talked for a minute or two, then she told me she was tired. When I asked if she wanted me to leave, she said yes, she wanted to rest. I told her I loved her and left to visit my grandfather.

In the month since Nonnie was admitted to the hospital, Papa has also been put into a nursing home, the same one where Nonnie was. Papa suffers from dementia, although he is lucid some of the time. I visited with him for a bit yesterday after visiting Nonnie.

The conversation was a bit of a loop with Papa asking the same few questions a couple of times. It was difficult, and I wanted to stay there. I wanted to say so much to him, but I knew if I brought up stuff from the past, I would start crying, and I didn't want to do that. I just sat and held his hand. He seems broken, lost, and alone.

A little while later, at his request, I left him alone in his room, waiting on the staff to come and get him for dinner. I was going to stay with him, but he told me to go.

I went about the rest of my day, stopping at the grocery store, making dinner, getting the kids in bed, and eventually getting myself in bed -- always keeping the two of them in the back of my mind.

Around 2:15am Monday morning, my sister called to tell me Nonnie had passed away peacefully in her sleep.

Now the difficult time comes. Telling my grandfather his wife of 67 plus years is gone. Watching as he realizes this third of a room is now his home for the rest of his days. I'm ashamed to say I am relieved that I do not have to do be the one to tell him.

Nonnie is fine now. I don't worry about her. I'm glad for her, and will miss her. Roses, Roses and the color pink were always synonymous with her.

If you are so inclined, please pray for my grandfather. My heart hurts for him, and I worry about how he will fair now.

36 comments:

Platypus said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and that of your family and my heart goes out to you. I'll be praying for your lovely grandfather too. Lots of love from me. x

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Awe darn it. :( Sorry, CK.

Sharkey said...

Oh Kelli, I'm so sorry. I will pray for your grandpa. And for you and your family.

Lushy said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Kelli. My prayers will include certainly include your entire family.

Nilbo said...

Sorry, Kelli ... you know your friends all feel the same. I sense a peace within you about your Grandmother's passing. I hope, in time, that peace will extend to your Grandfather.

Love, and hope, and peace to you and your family.

Laura said...

Oh Kelli, I am so sorry. I feel so bad for your grandfather. My prayers are with all of you at this time. :(

Ortizzle said...

Prayers on the way, Kelli. So sorry about your grandmother, but, as you say, she is at peace now, and it is your grandfather you must look out for. Hang in there.

Kentucky Brat said...

Saying a prayer for your Papa.. and you too.

Doug said...

Oh Sis, putting myself in your grandfather's place -- which is where I would be if Heather passed on it is easy for me to see how he feels.

Our 64th anniversary will be coming in June 2007 we have been married so much longer than we were single and I almost feel as if we are a single entity.

I think you are handling things so very well, but remember to cry too.

Prayers from here for your grandpa, and for you Milady as well.

WILLIAM said...

Kelli,
I am sorry for your loss.

Shelby said...

My heart goes out to you and yours.
I will add to my prayers.
Much love to you all.

Kat said...

I am glad you got that time to visit. I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for your grandfather, that his heart won't hurt so much and that he will have peace.

LadyBug said...

Oh, sweetie. I love you, and I'll keep your family in my prayers.

eclectic said...

Awww Kelli... that's so sad for Papa! When I see roses in my garden this spring, I'll think of Nonnie and send up good thoughts for Papa and the rest of you. Well, I won't actually wait until Spring to do that, but I'll be reminded then to send more. When is the service? In my family, we always bring a covered dish at times like this, so I'm sending a virtual creamy chicken and rice casserole. Hope you like it.

Annejelynn said...

ah, sweets! I'm so sorry to hear this news... healing vibes to you and yours, still comin' your way from LV!

Circus Kelli said...

Thank you all for your words of comfort and encouragement. I truly appreciate it.

Some of you I have thanked personally in an email because I've had your email addresses. To those I haven't personally thanked, I thank you now.

The Kept Woman said...

That sucks. Sorry, if you've known me for any length of time that's kind of my Hallmark moment on death...it just sucks and I hate the stupid sympathy cards that you must sift through that sugarcoat and beat around the bush.

I'm sorry your grandfather lost his life partner and lover, I can't imagine anything worse.

My best to you all

Lynn said...

Oh, Kelli. This is one of those times I wish I could give you a RL hug. My Grandfather has dementia now, too. My Grandmother takes care of him. I can imagine what you must be feeling.

Susie said...

Sending love and prayers, CK. xxx

Shelly said...

I'm sorry for your loss and I will be sending prayers to your family.

Bone Machine said...

Bless you.

Words will never take away the hurt, but there is comfort in knowing that she is no longer suffering.

sara sue said...

You and your family are in my prayers.

Susie said...

Been thinking of you, honey. I don't know if this will make any sense, but I've been thinking about Papa. When I was more active in church volunteering, I used to go into nursing homes a lot. At first, I was disconcerted when the people I visited would talk about their deceased loved ones as though they were still alive. I would gently say, "Remember, Nellie passed away a couple of years ago," and this one lady, Nellie's sister, would look at me like I was nuts and continue to talk about Nellie as though she had just seen her. I slowly caught on that, for all I know, she HAD just seen her. Papa may not even register that Nonnie is gone, and the truth is, he may not need to. I think maybe God designed it that way, designed dementia to be merciful in at least that ONE way. Especially for those who, due to infirmity, have been separated from their loved ones anyway, so it isn't as though daily life without them will be markedly different. I don't know, just thinking that sometimes we know things we'd just as soon not know, and sometimes it's OK to not know them. You know?
Praying God's mercy and comfort for you, Papa and all your loved ones. xxx
When you get home, come and get some hot chocolate at my house. Whatever you're wearing ;)

Candace said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kelli.

cat said...

Aw, man, Kelli. I will surely say a prayer or two (or five) for Papa... and for you, too.

Hang in there. :) Hugs to you.

Platypus said...

Hi sweetie, just checking back to see how you're doing. I'm still thinking of you and I hope your grandpa's OK. Susie's last comment made a great deal of sense. It's hard for everyone else but if he can't understand that his beloved wife has gone it's possibly the kindest thing. Like The Kept Woman said though, it sucks. Much love. x

eclectic said...

Love to you, CK. And love to Papa, and the littles and Punkin, and everyone who's world is just a little dimmer now for Nonnie's light having gone out. I bet there's a new star in the sky, though.

MrPhred said...

I'm so sorry, Kelli.

wordgirl said...

I know what a void it leaves in one's life to lose grandparents. I lost my very last one six years ago. I still think of questions I forgot to ask. Please know that we celebrate with you the awesome life of your Nonnie and we send peace and good thoughts to your grandpa. I know you worry, as we all would, about how he'll handle the loneliness. He will need to speak about and relive, over and over, the wonderful life they had together. It will bring him comfort and maybe do the same for you.

Effie said...

Oh CK--I'm so sorry to hear of Nonnie! Your grandpa is in my prayers! And for you and everyone too!

Love to you....xxoo

So sorry I came by so late...

Lynn said...

What Susie said? I like it. There CAN be comfort in not knowing. There realy can. Hugs to you, Kelli.

Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Aw, honey, I'm crying big teardrops for you and your family. Also sending huge hugs to you...

Please let me know if there's anything I can do...or not do...

MrsDoF said...

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I've been to two funeral services this week meself. Although I wasn't especially close with either of the deceased, I am friends with their children (and we are all now in our middle age years).

If and when I become a grandmother, I want to be called Nonnie. Seems fitting somehow to read about yours.

Susie said...

Just singing a little "I love you, Kelli" song. Hope it's reaching you there. xxx

Squirl said...

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. I hope your family is doing okay.

Amy said...

Oh jeez, Kelli, I am so sorry about your grandma. She sounds like a great grandma!! And I'm sorry about your grandpa, too. I hope he is OK. :(

All Circus Life pages and content are owned and
copyrighted by me, 2000-2013