The Three Loaves

Ortizzle's question about regifting brought to mind this story, and rather than take up her comment section, I'm posting about it here.

Last year for my birthday, I received a rather odd gift from my Mother-In-Law. Now, I love my Mother-In-Law, she is a neat lady (and I'm not just saying that because I think she reads my blog). She is.

Last year, we had been living in our new home for about six months when my birthday rolled around. I guess I hadn't dropped enough hints about what I might want for my birthday, so she decided for me. She bought me... (are you ready for this?)... three loaves of fake bread. Let me repeat that. THREE LOAVES OF FAKE BREAD... oh wait, it was "decorative bread." Uh-huh. I could tell she had put a lot of thought into this gift by the way it was presented. Each of the three loaves of bread was wrapped loosely in a single piece of tissue paper, before being placed all together in a plastic grocery sack.

In spite of this, I'm still reasonably sure she doesn't hate me.

As she handed me the plastic bag with the fake decorative bread in it, she mumbled the "it isn't much and you're probably going to hate it" disclaimer, while I "pshawed" her and opened the gift.


"Umm... Wow. You gave me fake bread."

"It's decorative bread."

"Uh-huh." (sits in stunned silence)

"I thought you could maybe get a fancy basket and put the loaves in it and display it somewhere."

"Uh-huh." (wonders what to say next)

In case it has escaped you my dear reader, I am NOT Martha-freakin'-Stewart. My decorating skills will not never be featured in Better Homes and Gardens, not ever in a million years. I don't think I've ever had fake decorative bread displayed in my home. I've known this woman for nearly 20 years and she gives me three loaves of fake decorative bread for my birthday.

We all started laughing (including my Mother-In-Law) and at some point, I jokingly told her I would wrap up the three loaves of fake decorative bread and give them to her for Christmas.

I took the tissue paper wrapped loaves, wrapped them up in the plastic bag, put them in my bedroom closet and promptly forgot about them... until just before Christmas last year. My boss had received a gift basket for the holidays, and gave me instructions to "put it in the lunchroom or take it home, I won't eat any of that." I took the food items to the lunchroom so others could have it, and then took the basket itself home. It was a lovely basket, already loaded with "stuffing." I added the three loaves of fake decorative bread, tied a festive ribbon on it, and Voila!

"You're not really giving that to her, are you?", Hubby laughed.
"Yes I am", I said with a gleam in my eye. The basket wasn't to be her only gift that year, but it was by far my most favorite gift to give.

Oh, did she laugh when she opened that up! We all did. She had forgotten all about it, too. As the laughter died down, I told her "I was only kidding, you don't have to take the gift..." She insisted that she really liked it, and was taking it home with her. The last time I saw it (about a month ago), the three loaves of fake decorative bread were still sitting in the pretty basket and on display in her sun room.

Sometimes, a regifted gift can be the bestest gift of all.


sharkey said...

That's a great story, and I can almost smell the bread from here!

Fake--er, um, decorative bread isn't my style either, but it is better than some of the things my MIL has given me. Check it out!

Lynn said...

That's a funny story!

Last Christmas my mother bought me micro-dermabrasion. Personally I think it may have been meant as an insult (you'd have to know her).

I thought about buying her laser hair removal for her chin, but I'm too cheap and selfish. If I'm going to fork out like that, then I'm getting my legs done!

Want to come over for Christmas? It'll be fun (if you like dark comedy).

Nilbo said...

Hilarious. I've never gotten or given make-believe food - my counters are cluttered enough. I wonder if there are pretend rump roasts or phoney cheese wheels or fake peas n carrots. You could have like an entire bogus feast. Yummm!!!!

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I am saddened. I thought this was going to be about poop.

Circus Kelli said...

Sharkey - LOL, I'll have to check that out!

Lynn - You come to my family's Christmas, I'll come to yours. :)

Nilbo - Excellent idea for kitchen decorating! Food on the walls! The kids have already finished the floors... :)

Mr B - What? Since when do I blog about poop?

WILLIAM said...

Fake food items should not be in a house at all. I can understand if a store or a restaurant have them to make people want to buy more..but in a house...just not a good idea.

LadyBug said...

That's hilarious.

Happy Friday, CK!

Ortizzle said...

Very funny, and good that your MIL had a sense of humor about it, even if her taste in gifts slipped temporarily! When you mentioned the basket at the office, I thought you were going to leave the bread out to see if anyone would try to eat it! :-)

Platypus said...

Love it! I'm glad you managed to pass them on to a loving home. Fake bread is for life you know, not just for Christmas.

(If you don't have that slogan in the US then that makes no sense...!)

eclectic said...

**ahem** Um... I was just wondering, where does one even buy fake bread?? I mean, other than the miniature sizes for doll houses. Seriously?? She gave you fake bread, and you gave it back?? And why is there bread in a basket in the sunroom? And how is God's name does she keep it dusted?? Gah! My mind fairly swirls!!

Doug said...

There must be quite a few factories making fake bread, as well as meat and vegatables and all sorts of edibles. When I was in Japan I remember seeing in the windows of restaurants plates of food that looked quite real, but was fake. I did order a meal from a window display one time and it came out of the kitchen looking exactly as it did in the window. But it was hot and quite edible.

Wonder what form that bread will take the next time it is a gift to you ?

Bone Machine said...

That simulated bread would make a nice decorative weapon, too.

Kat said...

Love that story! Think my MIL will love a regifted "snot pot"?

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