(and now, for the other side of the coin...)
Ahead of me lies three nights and two days worth of single parenting. Hubby left early this morning on a short motorcycle trip. I worry about him and tend to go into a "holding pattern" when he's away. I feel like just sitting around, watching bad television, maybe reading a book or two and surfing the internet until he returns -- just sort of killing time. The clowns, of course, don't allow for that. I will have to be the parent, and they will push my buttons and end up not listening to me and I will feel frustrated. Single parenting is a fear of mine. Nothing makes me feel more inadequate faster than single-parenting. When he's gone, there is also that constant worry that something will happen to him and he won't come back home to us. That's my biggest fear, and it stays close to me whenever he's gone.
The clowns and I do have plans to do something with my Mom and Sister on Sunday, and there will be the regular weekend chores and errands, of course. I will also make some time to "be there" for my kids, and to have some fun over the weekend. Right now though, I'm just feeling a bit pessimistic about the weekend (yeah, and a little bit jealous of Hubby's get-away, and I kinda wish that I could be with him on his adventure).
On the up side, after the kids go to bed, I'll have time to myself. Which means I'll probably wander around the house and stay up too late watching TiVo encores (or surfing blogs) because there is no one to make me turn off the lights and go to bed at a reasonable time.
I'm not all that great on my own, and I'll do my best this weekend to be a good Mom. The kids and I will go to McD's, maybe build a fort in the livingroom, go see a movie, run some errands and have fun. I'll do my best to be patient and compassionate and firm with the clowns when I need to be. I'll pray, and count to ten (for me), and count to three (for the clowns) if I need to.
I'll also count the minutes until Hubby returns to the big top.
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Update: We had a really nice Friday evening. The kids and I went to McD's and ate dinner there. After we came home, I did a few quick chores while the kids played. When they were ready to present their "animal show" (Buddy was a trained horse named Junior and Sweet Pea was a trained puppy named Rebecca. Punkin was the M.C.), I sat down in one of four chairs that were set out for the "audience". The show was lovely, and the clowns even picked up afterwards.
Sooner or later though, it was time for bed. That was 90 minutes ago, and the boy is STILL awake, playing cars in his bed and roaming at will. I'm confident that he WILL go to sleep sooner or later. I just hope I can outlast him.
I may take the kids shopping tomorrow -- just the shoe store and the grocery store. We'll have to see how adventurous I'm feeling. Stay tuned.