Maybe I'll be wrong...

(and now, for the other side of the coin...)

Ahead of me lies three nights and two days worth of single parenting. Hubby left early this morning on a short motorcycle trip. I worry about him and tend to go into a "holding pattern" when he's away. I feel like just sitting around, watching bad television, maybe reading a book or two and surfing the internet until he returns -- just sort of killing time. The clowns, of course, don't allow for that. I will have to be the parent, and they will push my buttons and end up not listening to me and I will feel frustrated. Single parenting is a fear of mine. Nothing makes me feel more inadequate faster than single-parenting. When he's gone, there is also that constant worry that something will happen to him and he won't come back home to us. That's my biggest fear, and it stays close to me whenever he's gone.

The clowns and I do have plans to do something with my Mom and Sister on Sunday, and there will be the regular weekend chores and errands, of course. I will also make some time to "be there" for my kids, and to have some fun over the weekend. Right now though, I'm just feeling a bit pessimistic about the weekend (yeah, and a little bit jealous of Hubby's get-away, and I kinda wish that I could be with him on his adventure).

On the up side, after the kids go to bed, I'll have time to myself. Which means I'll probably wander around the house and stay up too late watching TiVo encores (or surfing blogs) because there is no one to make me turn off the lights and go to bed at a reasonable time.

I'm not all that great on my own, and I'll do my best this weekend to be a good Mom. The kids and I will go to McD's, maybe build a fort in the livingroom, go see a movie, run some errands and have fun. I'll do my best to be patient and compassionate and firm with the clowns when I need to be. I'll pray, and count to ten (for me), and count to three (for the clowns) if I need to.

I'll also count the minutes until Hubby returns to the big top.

- - - - - - -

Update: We had a really nice Friday evening. The kids and I went to McD's and ate dinner there. After we came home, I did a few quick chores while the kids played. When they were ready to present their "animal show" (Buddy was a trained horse named Junior and Sweet Pea was a trained puppy named Rebecca. Punkin was the M.C.), I sat down in one of four chairs that were set out for the "audience". The show was lovely, and the clowns even picked up afterwards.

Sooner or later though, it was time for bed. That was 90 minutes ago, and the boy is STILL awake, playing cars in his bed and roaming at will. I'm confident that he WILL go to sleep sooner or later. I just hope I can outlast him.

I may take the kids shopping tomorrow -- just the shoe store and the grocery store. We'll have to see how adventurous I'm feeling. Stay tuned.


Brudder doug said...

I think it would be so interesting to be one of your "Littles" but yet it is so much fun to hear about them and their didos.

Susie said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? This is such a sweet post. Years ago, I noted how I entered "holding pattern" mode when Jif went away. Of course, that's not the thing to do, but I can't say I've entirely overcome it.
I've noticed that you and hubby are very generous and understanding about giving each other "me" time. That's a good thing.
I'm praying for you all this morning, that you and the littles will have laughter and smooth sailing while hubby's away, that he'll have a terrific, re-charging getaway, and that the time will fly by until he returns to you safely.

Ortizzle said...

What Susie said. Enjoy the littles, enjoy your alone time, don't worry too much, and... before you know it Mr. Circus will be back under the Big Top. :-))

wordgirl said...

I remember doing exactly what you're doing now. Killing time. However, now that my husband is gone for a week or two at a time (scout trips), I've found that I can't stay in the holding pattern any more. I have to keep moving. Tomorrow my husband comes back after two weeks away. He'll be here for a week and then gone again for another. I hate it. I'd like to hole up and watch Gilmore Girls until my brain falls out, but if I don't hurry up and get a life of my own, then I find I've have little to show for the time apart...meanwhile he's out climbing mountains and having adventures. I know how you feel, though. Boy...do I know.

Circus Kelli said...

Brudder - HA! Oh, believe me, "interesting" would be the word. ;)

Susie - I love you right back, Soosie.

Ortizzle - I'm taking your advice darlin. Thank you.

WordGirl - Thank you so much for your comment. Truly. I really really appreciate it.

Character Builder said...

Well, it sounds like you're way ahead of me. My husband isn't gone for extended periods of time, but he works retail, so he's gone some evenings and weekends, and this is one of the weekends that he's working. All I can say about today is, "My poor kids!" I was so damn crabby today, and I don't know why. Must have been all the whining. Lucky for my 8yo, she was at a friend's all day, so the other 2 had to take the brunt of it. My 11yo suggested I take a nap, that's how bad it was! I apologized later.

Lynn said...

When my husband goes somewhere, I sometimes worry that something might happen to him, too. A few years back, it didn't phase me to be soley responsible for the kids. Things are very different now. I know that feeling.


Graffiti said...

Perhaps your boss knows your blog addresss


platypus said...

I hope your weekend id going OK, hun. I remember those times , before I became a single-parent full-time, and I hated it too. It sounds as though you're doing really well though!

Circus Kelli said...

CharBuild - Ugh! I hate days when I feel like that. I'm very happy I haven't felt that way this weekend. It's ok to feel that way sometimes, though... hey, if the kids can do it, we can too, right? :)

Lynn - I understand. Hugs back at ya.

Graffiti - My boss has bigger fish to fry than me, my friend.

Platypus - It feels like I'm doing ok. :)

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