Mommy's Favorite Juice

So, the party for our very soon to be five-year-old Sweet Pea is behind us. At this time five years ago, I was as big as a dead, bloated, beached whale and feeling just as sexy. My hair was permanently worn in a ponytail, my ankles had disappeared and I truly thought I would be pregnant for the rest of my life, despite the doctors month-long mantra of "Any day now..."

At this time four years ago, I was just getting adjusted to the idea that we were pregnant again. I love our boy and am so very thankful for him every day. At the time, however, Sweet Pea was just starting to sleep through the night. To say I was exhausted was an understatement.

I have no idea what the hell I was doing three years ago. It's all a blur of poopy diapers, formula feedings and wondering just how long all three of our children could occupy one bedroom -- a bedroom that seemed to be getting smaller by the day.

Two years ago we had just finished burying my Grandmother in Florida, selling our townhouse, closing on this house, burying Rosie the frog that I'd just accidentally killed, closing on the sale of my Grandmother's house in Florida, and dealing with a Hubby with a thrown-out back.

Last year, hell... I couldn't remember what I did last year until I checked the archives. There was that concert I went to, and some redecorating. Other than that, really, nothing much was going on. (Last year's Sweet Pea birthday post is here, if you're interested.)

This year, well, this year its more of the same. Sweet Pea's birthday party, that concert again, and more promises that *this weekend* I'm going to sort through the pictures and get them in albums... or maybe I'll write the thank you notes I owe from the party.

There is a difference though. I feel a bit different. I don't feel so very bogged down by my life. I don't feel like I'm behind on accomplishing something I *have* to do. I mean sure, there is always household stuff that I need to get to (the big pile of laundry only seems to get bigger the longer I ignore it), but my focus isn't *out there* anymore. My focus is *here.* Maybe it doesn't look any different to anyone around me, but it certainly feels different... it's not easily explained.

As I sit here typing, I can hear the washing machine spin and finally stop. I can hear the whir of the box fan in Sweet Pea's room. She didn't eat much dinner and fell asleep on the couch in the family room while the other kids ate their dessert. (Buddy not only ate his chicken, but he also ate about three little carrot squares! I swear those are his first vegetables since he was on baby food!) Sweet Pea only stirred a bit when I picked her up off the couch, and again when I placed her in her bed -- she gave me that wild-eyed, not quite awake stare before settling back to sleep. I can no longer hear Buddy playing with his cars in his bed, and there's a good chance that Punkin is finally asleep as well.

Tomorrow will unfold the way it will, and I'm as organized as I can be for it.

This circus life is a good one. As much as I sometimes strain against it or wish I had the freedoms that my sisters have, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Circus life suits me.


Sharkey said...

Excellent post. I'm glad you're in such a good place.

Brudder doug said...

Awww Sis. You are for sure the sweetest Mom.
I remember the days when the odor of diaper pails seemed to permeate the house, I remember learning how to hold a dirty diaper in the commode, flush and not lose the didy. I learned a lot more too, one of the most valuable lessons was learning patience. The love came naturally but when younger my patience was a bit short.

I have asked Heather if she ever was at the point of wishing that she hadn't had a baby when our first one was going through babyhood. She said, "NEVER !"

I know that the urge to retreat never crossed my mind.

Kids are the greatest.

Lynn said...


YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!

eclectic said...

Silly Kelli... of COURSE Circus Life suits you -- it's YOUR circus!! Life's a system of trade-offs; there's always something given up in favor of the something chosen. The trick is knowing which to choose. Sounds like you nailed it, my dear. Good for you!

Circus Kelli said...

Sharkey - Thank you!

Brudder - They are, aren't they?

Lynn - Right back at ya darlin.

Eclectic - Love you.

Ortizzle said...

I think your circus sounds lovely. And Eclectic is right: life is a trade-off, but you traded good.

Laura said...

You're right. It's those moments when we realize that despite all the crazy things in this world, it's the small things that matter the most to us. When the kids and family are contented, we're more likely to be contented. And that's what it's all about. ;)

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