By Sunday night, I was exhausted and in an extreme state of denial that Monday was upon me already. It was only two days, but I could have used another week like this past weekend. It was just so... nice.
Monday morning the girls and I dropped Buddy off at preschool before bringing them to school for their brief orientation. Buddy cried pretty hard when I dropped him off. Sweet Pea cried when it was time for her and Punkin to go back to the daycare center (for only two more days before school starts). She was fine by the time we arrived. The sun wasn't shining so much now, and skies were beginning to darken. My mood wasn't improving, either.
We had stopped off at home after dropping Buddy off, and I had a few minutes to read a blog or two... the news wasn't good and I couldn't bring myself to check any more.
At work, there was a note about someone at our corporate office who was leaving. I only worked with him once in a while to set up meetings, so really, it doesn't immediately effect me, the reason for his leaving did though. He's taking another job in another company that will allow him to be home with his family more.
That's when it hit me.
I wanna do that.
Who cares about working for multi-million dollar companies? I want to stay home and have time to work out and clean the house thoroughly and do laundry. I want to be able to play "room mother" at my kids' school and sign up to volunteer at school functions and be there for my kids in a way I can't with a full-time job. (And yeah, I also want the full-time paycheck, oh and still having the insurance benefits would be nice, too...)
And that is probably why I sometimes feel defensive around most stay-at-home-Moms... I want to be one of them.
Did I just say that?
Yeah, I think I did.
That right there folks, is quite a revelation to me. I never thought of myself as stay-at-home-Mom material... and, really maybe I'm not. Some days though, I really feel like I could do it. I could be that Mom who bakes and does crafts and is always available for her kids and the special events in their lives (without having to check the boss' schedule to see if it would be ok to take the time off of work). I'd have time to be a more adventurous cook and make sure the kids (and I) are all on top of the paperwork from the school (and their homework and such). The house would be clean. I might be more "social" with the neighbors. I might be more relaxed with not trying to squeeze all the housework and errands into lunch-hours and weekends.
It's not really an option for us right now, and truthfully, the grass is always greener, isn't it? There are pros and cons, gives and takes, choices to be made no matter what the decision. I do like my job most days. I do like the freedom it gives me to be "just Kelli" in between the "Mom gig".
Heh. Balance. It's a tricky thing to manage. I just might get the hang of it before the kids are off to college. Maybe.