I have just spent the majority of the last few days sitting on my behind, reading a book. Now, I haven't been a total slug -- I've been doing some housework and errands, and for five minutes this weekend, our laundry room looked nearly clean. Mostly, though, I've been sitting on my behind, reading my book. It's a good book. Oh, and naps -- I've taken a nap or two over the last few days as well.*
It's been lovely. Truly.
Today, however, won't be the same.
In spite of going to bed at a reasonable hour, my body and mind are still tired. It feels as though my aching shoulders and back are covered by a 30 pound lead apron. I keep reminding myself to sit up straight, stand up straight, only to find my shoulders curling forward moments later.
Hubby leaves for work, and it's my job to play 'cheerleader' for the clowns, encouraging them to get out of bed and get themselves dressed for their day at school. This morning, it takes far more energy than I have to do this.
"But, Mommy... I really don't want to go to school today. I'm tired and I don't feel good and I just want to stay home." This comes from my dear little brown-eyed girl clown, standing in front of me in her purple nightgown with sleep still written all over her soft face. At that moment, I realize her words are an exact echo of what my own inner child is saying to me. "Nooo... I don' wanna go... just five more minutes... why can't I stay home today?" I want to listen to my inner child this time. I can feel my will crumbling as I look into the deep brown eyes of our middle clown and remember how wonderful it is to just sit and wile away the day. I've enjoyed the last couple of days very much.
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Every bone in my body is telling me to stay home today. "Rest", they whisper. "Read your book", they taunt. "Relax", they say. I'm tempted. Sorely tempted. Just before I can say the words that would keep us home, though, I get a sudden feeling that if I take today off work, I'll never make it back to the office. (Which, on the one hand would be just fine with me. Unfortunately, we like the eat. It may only be chicken nuggets and fries, but it still costs money...)
Instead, I freely admit to the clowns that I would much rather be under the covers, fast asleep, rather than getting ready to start my day. They seem to understand this and begin to get ready as I step into the shower in a nearly futile attempt to get my body moving. Thankfully, they get dressed without any drama, and are even able to watch some television before it's time to leave. For this, I'm completely grateful because today, I am the one doing the stalling.
Right now, my inner child is stomping around, having a fit because she didn't get to stay home and read her book today. Hell, it's going to be sunny and warmer today. I could have read that book outside in a lounge chair on our deck.
At work, I work off the list that is my email, field requests from the boss, handle incoming calls and do everything I can to not think about the sunshine and fresh air just outside my window.
At lunchtime, I changed out of my high heels and took a walk around the corporate complex for a bit. Ah... fresh air, sunshine. I breathed deep and tried once again to ignore the inner child's tantrum about having to go back to the gray office interior.
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* I could use a nap now, as a matter of fact.
Update: Wednesday was about the same, but maybe a teensy weensy bit better.