This morning, I sat on the edge of Punkin's bed and looked at her sleeping face. I've loved that face for ten years.

Punkin was on her side, hands wrapped securely in the blanket, and tucked under her chin. Her features were softened in sleep. I could see the baby she was so long ago, and the girl she was this morning. My Punkin "baby" now had beautiful blonde hair in spite of being born with a cap of hair so dark we referred to her as our Eskimo baby for a while. The little button nose and 'baby bottle' mouth were a bit bigger, but still shaped the same, though.

I leaned down and hugged her, kissed her on the neck and gently woke her. I continued to hold her and rub her back as I remembered the times when she would cuddle on my shoulder and fall into a snuffling, sighing sleep. Punkin slipped back into a doze, neither one of us was anxious to move forward in our day at that moment.

Who she will be in the future and where her path will take her never occurred to me as I sat on the edge of her bed this morning.

There are some places I just can't go sometimes.


Susie said...

Those are the moments with LG when I realize that in all probability I will someday have to beat the shit out of some boy who makes her sad. But maybe that's just me.

eclectic said...

Oh. This whole parenting thing is just so heart-stealing, isn't it?!

They make you want to sell them to the gypsies!, and then they turn around sing you a song, or fall asleep in your arms, or draw you a picture... and you just KNOW you'll never survive the day they leave home.

Of course, I'd never survive them staying, either... !

P.S. -- Susie, when the boys start making our girls sad, I'm counting on you and CK to be my posse. We'll beat the holy heck outta those boys from coast to coast.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Those are wonderful times that make all of the difficult times of parenting worth while. Enjoy!

Nance said...

I feel like that was forever ago. My big huge boys are 20 and 23. There are days I scarcely remember them being babies; I look at them and think, "Where did they come from?"

Claudia said...

Children are our soul, the essence of our being, little dreams we've created with our own flesh and love so fiercely it hurts. Take the small moments and live for them.

Mama Zen said...

Makes you want to stop time, doesn't it?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

What a lovely picture you've painted.

Kathy Gillen said...

My mother told me never to try to imagines the joys of the future, because they'll always be bigger when they surprise us. Thanks for sharing your lovely morning scene.

kcinnova said...

*sigh* Beautifully written.

I'm trying very hard to raise boys who won't make girls cry. But being boys, at some point they probably will.

Claudia said...

Just because...

PS - I need to get my drink on, you coming??

Lynn said...

I like what you said about seeing the baby that she was in her face. My husband and I say the same about ours. The littlest even reminds us of her last ultrasound picture when she turns her head a certain way!

Maddy said...

Indeed, I know what you mean. I've never had any difficulty projecting for my first daughter or my second, easy peasy but the boys......who knows. I never imagined that the future might be just so complicated.
Best wishes

Circus Kelli said...

Susie - It's not just you. :)

Eclectic - It is heart-stealing. No one told me about that part. We should all "posse" each other when the time comes.

SSN - Yes they are.

Nance - I've had those moments already! :)

Claudia - I do, darlin.

MamaZen - If only we could really do that.

Jenn - Thank you.

Kathy - That's a great way to look at it.

kcinnova - Maybe not. Time will tell. :)

Claudia - Right back at you, love. And... hell yeah! Chocolate martinis, right? :)

Lynn - I love those moments.

Maddy - We wouldn't have believed it would be if they had warned us first. :)

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